“It’s not what you know but who you know that counts” is one of those maxims that can be difficult to swallow, especially for those of us who value performance over politics.  But reality is there’s a kernel of truth in this maxim, especially when thinking about it in terms of relationships instead of politics.

You see relationships do matter, and more often than not they’re the tipping point in any given situation or decision.  Healthy relationships, whether personal or professional, will always carry the day – even in those moments when everything falls apart.

And relationships are not only good at saving the day, they’re also essential in building teams that can accomplish extraordinary  things.  Very rarely has history changing ideas, projects or efforts been accomplished solo. Almost always, great moments have been created by teams of people working in the context of personal, loving and caring relationships.

So what does it take to create healthy relationships?  There’s two simple ingredients:

To know!

And to be known!

Teddy Roosevelt once said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”. Relationships require knowing others, who they are, what’s important to them,  their history, their stories, and how we can assist them and their goals. Relationships require us  think of others first, so see the world through their eyes, and in the end, simply and deeply, “to know” the other person(s).

Healthy and meaningful relationships also require us “to be known”.  Allowing others to see into our lives, to know our thoughts, hopes and dreams.  To be known in this way is foundational to building the kind of relationships necessary for teams that change the world.  Without transparency, there’s no possibility of trust.  Without trust there’s no true relationship. Where there’s no true relationship, there’s no team or community. And where there’s no team or community, the possibility of world changing actions diminishes to almost zero.

So I’m recommending a new maxim.  Instead of saying “It’s not what you know but who you know that counts”, we should say “it’s not what you know but who you deeply know and are known by that will make all the difference.”