Jerry Sandusky and the Hard Reality about Child Abuse
With the report from Penn State’s internal investigation of the Sandusky affair released this week, we’re all reminded once again of children’s vulnerability to abuse. Yet, as important as the reporting about this horrific situation is, there are two facts that are continually reported that can cloud our vision about the nature of child abuse.
The first fact is that most of Sandusky’s victims were from broken homes, where no father was present, and the economic challenges were great. The second fact is that the abuse was the result of a known public figure swooping in and taking advantage of these children living in difficult situations.
Both of these facts are true, but this cannot lead us to believe that this is the most common scenario for child abuse. Because the reality is that abuse happens in every corner of our society including to those kids who come from families that look like, on the surface, that they have it all together. And secondly, the perpetrator, more often or not, is a family member or close friend, not a public figure.
We know this to be true at SpringHill because nearly every week during summer camp our staff discover campers who have been or are being physically, emotionally, and sexually abused by family members or close family friends. They’re from rich families and poor families, and families from the city and families from the suburbs. It happens within families who attend church faithfully and those who’ve never entered a church building in their lives. The harsh reality is – where there are children, abuse is always a possibility because kids, being who they are, are by nature vulnerable to predators.
Fortunately, because SpringHill is a safe place, kids feel the freedom to share with our staff their experiences, including many who’ve never shared their horrors with anyone before doing so at camp. This allows us to do what Penn State failed to do – first, report these situations to the appropriate authorities, and second to assure these young victims receive the support they need to move forward and ultimately be healed.
So let’s not be lulled into believing child abuse only happens in certain segments of our society. Instead let’s always diligently look for signs of abuse and then, when we see them, to have the courage to do what’s necessary to protect all our children from these horrific evils.
Two Unintended Father’s Day Traditions
I’ve fallen into two different but related, and unintentional, Father’s Day traditions over the last 12 years. The first is that, as a result of not thinking about Father’s Day when planning my summer schedule, I’ve spent most of the past 12 Father’s Days at our SpringHill Camp in southern Indiana. And of course this means that I’m not with my dad or with my kids on Father’s Day.
Now don’t feel bad for me, as I told one of my kids on the phone today, I rather be with them but if that’s not possible then this is the place I’d want to be (as I write this blog, on the evening of Father’s Day, I’m doing so on the deck of our guest lodge listening to campfires songs being sung around Rust Lake – believe me, it’s a pretty good gig if you can get it, even if it means you work Father’s Day).
The second tradition is our administrative staff here in Indiana, led by Amanda Wolf, has always given me (and a few of the other dads) a Father’s Day card and gift. This year, because of the length of time I’ve been away from my family, their thoughtfulness and the words in their card have touched me more than usual.
So in honor of all fathers, and because the following words also express, on many levels, my own feelings about being a dad, let me leave you with the quote, from General Douglas MacArthur, the staff put on the front of the card they gave me.
“By profession I am a soldier and take pride in that fact. But I am prouder – infinitely prouder – to be a father. A soldier destroys in order to build; the father only builds, never destroys.”
What Has Eternal Value? By Mark Olson
Lisa and Mark Olson, 1984 In remembrance of Mark Olson, past President of SpringHill on what today, May 20, would have been his 54th birthday, below is one of his last published letters.
“Smiles are the outer representation of the long-term impact camping has on kids.”
I will never forget hearing the doctor tell me “this [disease] goes quickly. If you do not get treated soon, you could die within the next four months.” Over the next few weeks, while determining the best course of treatment and emotionally preparing for the road ahead, I also reflected upon how I have spent the time given to me. Inevitably, the question arises, “what of my life has eternal value?”
My initial response was to create two mental columns, one with the heading “eternal” and the other “temporal.” I then tried to distinguish those parts of my life that had eternal value and those which did not. This proved to be a difficult and basically unhelpful exercise.
Upon later reflection, I also found this approach contrary to what Scripture teaches. At the core, creating columns to dichotomize our existence is rooted in the type of thinking that John addresses in the first chapter of his first epistle. “The one who existed from the beginning is the one we have heard and seen. We saw him with our own eyes and touched him with our own hands. He is Jesus Christ, the Word of life.” (I John 1:1). John was addressing dualistic thinking in which people persisted in dividing the components of their lives into that which is spiritual and that which is not.
In our vernacular we use the term “spiritual” to refer to that which is most important. We often attach great eternal value to activities such as leading a bible study, preaching a message, working at a Christian organization for “God’s purposes,” etc.
From my present vantage point (that is, struggling with a life threatening disease), I have come to believe that the faithful execution of the most menial duties of life will, in the end, have the greatest eternal value. Washing dishes with my wife will have a value that extends into eternity. Going fishing with my sons while listening and chatting about the realities of being a first and fourth grader will have a value that extends into eternity. Going to my daughter’s dance recital has a value that extends into eternity. Going to breakfast with a group of guys on a regular basis, getting to know them while they learn to know me, has a value that will extend into eternity.
Eternal value can never be defined by simply listing those things that are perceived as spiritual and those that are not. The “Word of Life” was something handled, touched, and seen. So, that which has eternal value is anything that is done in a spirit of faithfulness and service to our God. We demonstrate our faithfulness, gratitude, and love to Him by being faithful, grateful, and loving to Him as a husband is to be toward his wife by following through in the seemingly mundane and “earthly” aspects of our life. I believe this is what Jesus meant when he so closely links love with obedience – “If you love me, obey my commandments.” (John 14:15)
It is within this context that I have come to believe that everything we do to bring glory to ourselves has temporary value. This brings us back to the very first commandment, “Do not worship any other gods beside me.” Anything we do with the purpose of bring glory to ourselves (whether it be a basketball game, a business deal, a makeover, or academic excellence) is simply a form of idolatry. Everything we do with the purpose of bringing glory to God is worship of the only true God. As a friend once told me, there is a god someplace in everyone’s life.
Furthermore, this journey has confirmed for me the value and the importance of camp experiences like SpringHill and InPursuit in the life of a child. At camp a child goes through the day with a counselor, a friend, a role model. This counselor is reminded constantly that they are here to serve and to be “Jesus” for a child who may never have the opportunity to see Him again. They go to the archery range, climb a tower, go to the craft shop, eat a meal, ride a zipline, canoe in the lake, have a campfire, go to ‘club,’ sleep in a teepee, while the counselor bears testimony to who Jesus is by serving and loving the child in the midst of daily activity.
Because of this relationship, the counselor has a “voice” in which they can share in word and action the “good news.” As a result, the child experiences the love of Jesus and may respond by placing their trust in Him to remove their sin so that they can know their Creator who loves them dearly. A life is changed for eternity.
It is because of this I have very few regrets. I would not have changed my involvement at SpringHill and InPursuit, which continues to be a very rewarding way to serve my Savior. When I walk away from this disease, though, I will aspire to do less of that which is seemingly spiritual, and do more of that which is seemingly temporal but in the end has great eternal value. I will spend more time fishing with my sons and friends, take the girls to the golf course, and listen more carefully to the person with whom I am sharing a conversation.
Also in honor of Mark we have a limited number of copies of Brennan Manning’s book Ruthless Trust – A Ragamuffin’s Path to God (one of Mark’s favorite authors) I’ll send a copy to anyone who subscribes to my blog while the supply lasts. If you’re already a subscriber and would also like a copy let me know and I’ll send you one as well.
Women’s Sacred Moments at Their Sacred Place
This past weekend was SpringHill’s first Women’s Retreat of 2012 and it was a great weekend on many levels. You see, our Women’s Retreat program, alongside Family Camp, is SpringHill’s longest running program. It’s literally a carryover from the early days when SpringHill believed it would become both a Christian conference center and a camp for kids.But in the late 80’s and early 90’s SpringHill made the very intentional decision to focus its energy on child, teens and young adults, thus all the facilities have been design and built with young people in mind. As a result, many predicted the end of such programs as Women’s Retreats.
Well, 25 years later, Women’s Retreats continue to go strong and this past weekend highlights why. As I had lunch in the Dining Hall I listened to, and witness women, sharing with my wife Denise (our Women’s Retreat Coordinator) and Glenna Salsbury (our retreat speaker), how deeply impacted they had been by the weekend. And not just this past weekend, but many shared that SpringHill Women’s Retreat is their annual, sacred moment at their sacred place.
For example, Lisa approached Denise and I, and told us she just needed to come this retreat, she knew God was going to meet her here, so, although she couldn’t find friends to come with her, she came alone. Lisa said that as soon as she stepped on camp, God affirmed His presence and this theme of God’s nearest to her, was clear throughout the entire weekend, including through Glenna’s messages, in the breakout sessions, and in the women she met. There’s no doubt, by looking into Lisa’s eyes, she encountered Jesus in a life transforming way.
So Lisa, and so many other women, answered, in a very powerful way, why we still do Women’s Retreats at SpringHill, and why we’ll continue to do so for as long as God uses them to transform the lives of women.
Sacred Places
There are many places in the world that are grand, many more that could be described as stunning, and of course, the world’s full of historic sites. Yet there is only a hand full of places that one might call sacred.
Places become sacred because they have history, they’re beautiful, and most importantly, because something significant happens in the lives of people when they visit.This past week I had the opportunity to stay at one of these rare and sacred places – WinShape Retreats, on the property of Berry College in the mountains of northern Georgia. WinShape Retreats occupies the old Normandy Dairy buildings built and used by Berry College students to study dairy sciences.
Even the bricks used to build all the Normandy Dairy buildings were produced by Berry College students in a brick factory donated by Henry Ford. Each building we toured oozed with history and beauty.
But it’s what’s now taking place in these buildings that’s moved this place from historic to sacred. You see, when Berry College made the decision to consolidate their dairy sciences program, and move it closer to campus, the Normandy Dairy no longer had a purpose.
In stepped the WinShape Foundation, led by the Cathy family, the founders and owners of Chick-fil-A restaurants. WinShape renovated all the buildings, turning this old dairy into a retreat center that offers marriage saving conferences, boys and girls camps, women’s and men’s retreats, and leadership summits.Yet places become sacred through and because of people. People who’ve dedicated such places for grand and noble purposes, such as helping build strong kids, marriages and families. Our group experienced firsthand such people, the committed and talented staff of WinShape, who’ve made a historic dairy into a sacred place, a place where lives become transformed.
When Plan B is really the A Plan
Over the last couple of months our two oldest children, MD and Christina, have experienced the disappointment of being turned down for college jobs they really wanted. In walking with them through this process my wife Denise shared her own disappointment concerning a job she applied for in college.During Denise’s sophomore year she decided she didn’t want to go back to her old summer job at the local K-Mart. Her A Plan was to stay on campus and become an orientation mentor for incoming students. It was a highly sought after job. But in spite of the competition Denise applied and went through the entire process before being told she would be an alternate.
Disappointed, Denise turned to her Plan B, which was to apply for a job as a counselor at a Christian camp near Evart, MI. Her good friend, Jodi Urban Blanchard, had been both a camper and a summer staffer and raved about the camp. So when Denise received the offer for the job by the program director, Mike Hollenbeck, she took it.
Well, you know the rest of the story. The camp was SpringHill, and it was during this summer that Denise and I fell in love with SpringHill and became good friends with Mark Olson (we were dating at the time so I’d come visit on her day off).
It was through our friendship with Mark that we continued our involvement with SpringHill, first as ambassadors and donors, then eventually, in 1998, going on full-time staff.
With hindsight we clearly see how God used this disappointment in Denise’s life to lead us to the place He wanted us to be and to do the things He planned for us to do. It was this lesson that she shared with MD and Christina – “God has a better plan for you, though you might not see it now, one day you may be able to look back and see your B Plan was really God’s A Plan.”
An Antidote to Signing Day
Jonathan I began writing this post on the most overhyped and, in some ways, the saddest day in our sports calendar – the college football “signing day”, where kids become national heroes based on nothing more than their potential.
So as an antidote for yesterday’s craziness, here’s a snapshot of high school athletics which, no doubt, reflects the experiences of most student-athletes and their parents.
My wife and I have watched lots of high school basketball over the years, but this season has been one of the most enjoyable. The reason is, for the first time, we have two of our sons playing together on the same team.
Our sons, Mitch and Jonathan, play for the Northern Michigan Christian School’s junior varsity team. Mitch plays up front and Jonathan plays guard so they’re often on the court at the same time.
Seeing them interact in such a competitive, high pressure and public situation as a high school basketball game, tells us a lot about their relationship as brothers. And here’s what we seen – they’re completely honest in their communication with each other. We’ve watched them have intense discussions after a bad play in a way only brothers can and we’ve also seen them affirm each other after a good play with what can only be described as brotherly love (not a bad model for our working relationships).
Mitch We’ve also have daily talks around the kitchen table about their team, the practices and the games. There have been challenges, heartbreak and victories, all of which they’re sharing together and we’re sharing with them as parents (what will I do in a few years when this is all over?).
So if you’ve been doubting the sanity of high school sports, remember ESPN has nothing on local, home town high school sports and the lifelong learning experiences they give young people like our sons Mitch and Jonathan.
It’s Not 1980 Anymore
It’s dangerous to clean your basement. I was reminded of this fact in my recent purging. What did I find that was so dangerous?Four old Steelcase chairs, the same model I use to assemble during the summers while attending college.
Why would 30-year-old chairs heavy enough to anchor a battle ship be so dangerous? Because, as with most things found buried in a basement, they brought back a flood of memories. And those memories got me to thinking about the world my kids are entering.
First for the memories; I had a great summer job, but not uncommon for 1980.
I averaged between $9 and $10 an hour plus overtime, working 45 to 50 hours a week.
I received: holiday pay for the 4th of July plus two quarterly profit-sharing bonuses
I made nearly $7000 (the equivalent today of over $18,000).
And college only cost me $3500 a year.
Now for the dangerous part – thinking about my kids and the world they’re entering.
There’s no summer job anywhere that a student can make $7000 let alone the equivalent of $18,000 that I made. Today, with a reasonably good summer job, a student might make $4000 to $5000.
The average cost for tuition and room and board of a 4 year public university is hovering around $20,000 a year.
Which means a student may need to finance up to $15,000 a year/$60,000 total for a college education.
The numbers say it all. It’s apparent the values and priorities of our country have swung from assuring our young people have the best chance of succeeding, to financing the lives of those who have already had their opportunities.
2012 provides us yet another chance to make the courageous decisions necessary for our kids and thus our future. I pray that we’ll be courageous once again.
Qualities of Trustworthy Youth Organizations
Denise and I hold two important, but at times conflicting, goals in raising our children. The first one’s simply to assure our kids have experiences that help them grow physically, emotionally, socially, intellectually and spiritually. Secondly, we want to do all we can to keep our kids safe and to protect them from the consequences of evil.
It’s when we need to entrust our children and their safety to those who provide them life transforming experiences that we can feel conflicted. We want to provide our children these experiences and at the same time assure their safety.
The best way to achieve both is to verify that the organizations we entrust our children to have the following three qualities.
Transparency
The organization and its staff are transparent. Transparency mean’s there’s nothing hidden about its history, operations, philosophies, track record and methods. Transparency also includes our child’s experience.
Accessibility
Related to transparency is accessibility. Organizations and staff are accessible to parents. In addition, if necessary, our kids are accessible when involved with the organization. We should expect our phone calls and emails to be returned timely as well as the opportunity to meet the staff when dropping off and picking up our child as well as any other time we want to interact with them.
Professionalism
Professionalism includes a broad range of key activities that we should expect from an organization and its staff including verifiable training, quality control, safety practices and policies that the staff know and demonstrate commitment to by their adherence to these policies.
These three qualities should permeate the entire culture of an organization as reflected in the staff, websites, promotional material and most importantly in their reputation.
With prayerful due diligence, we as parents, can reduce the possibility of any harm coming to our children and yet still provide them those formative experiences they so desperately need to reach their potential.
Focused Freshmen Bulldogs
Andrea and Christina This past weekend was quite significant for our family. Denise and I dropped off our daughter, Christina, for her first year at Butler University where she’s in the Jordan College of Fine Arts majoring in Dance Performance.
We did all the typical tasks one does when dropping off a child at college. We put her room together, met and spent time with her new roommate Andrea, toured campus, attended events designed to welcome students and their families and went to the bookstore so I could buy a Butler hat.
During a “meet and greet” of department faculty, Denise, Christina, Andrea and I talked with one particular Ballet professor who asked Andrea “what’s your major?”
“Pharmacy” answered Andrea.
To which the professor said “well you will not seeing Christina during the day because she’ll be training.”
Andrea smiled and didn’t respond; she must have had that look that said “really, dancing all day long?” because the professor added…
Andrea and Christina embracing being Bulldogs “You see, if you want to be a professional you have to be fully committed, you can’t work at it part-time just like you cannot work at being a pharmacist part-time. There’s no part-time training; one has to be fully committed full-time to achieve such a goal.”
I’ve replayed this conversation in my mind since that meeting and I’m convinced that what this professor said is absolutely true. Whether you are pursuing a career in the arts or the sciences, to become a true professional requires more than just a part-time effort.
The realization then set in – Christina and Andrea’s room will be one focused place for the months to come because these two women have serious goals of becoming professionals in their competitive fields. What a gift…to have such focus at the age of 18.
