Celebrating My Parents 50 Years of Marriage
Our parents have blessed my brother, sister, me and our families in many, many ways. These blessings have formed us into the people we’ve become today.This past weekend Mom and Dad blessed us once again as we celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. Blessed because they’ve become role models of what a marriage should and can be not just in the short-term but over a long life.
As I thought about their incredible accomplishment – 50 years of marriage – I asked myself a question. What can I learn from my parents and their marriage so Denise and I might one day have the same celebration? As I reflected on the possible answers I came up many things but a few that really stand out.
First, Mom and Dad have loved each other. But it’s more than just love because we know many people who’ve love each other but their marriages haven’t lasted anywhere near 50 years.
More than love Mom and Dad trust each other. Trust is a must in any relationship and it has to be trust that’s been built on consistency of behavior and agreed upon expectations.
They have shared values. Shared values are essential if any relationship has a chance of surviving the crazy world in which we live.
Mom and Dad are just plain committed to each other and to their entire family. This commitment lays the foundation that’s helped them over the years weather the storms of life.
Finally our Mom and Dad have faith in Christ and have lived it out through their marriage and their commitment to their family.
Now you see why the Perry family’s so blessed – to have living role models of what a marriage and family can be and to see the impact it can have for generations to come. It’s a gift of immeasurable value.
Already Looking Forward to My Next Birthday
My birthday couldn’t have been better. I spent it in a little cabin on a small island filled with wild blueberry bushes in the center of a lake in the middle of nowhere fishing for speckled trout and walleye with my three sons (the only place better for a birthday might be heaven).We were on our annual fishing trip to Camp Anjigami and their Ogas outpost cabin in northern Ontario. As I sat down for breakfast on the morning of my birthday I couldn’t have been more content and blessed as I ate wild blueberry pancakes prepared by my sons while looking ahead to a day of trout fishing.
In reality this trip’s become a significant part of my life and one of the highlights of the Perry men’s year. It’s an annual ritual where we hang out, have fun, talk about life and experience God’s creation together – just the four of us. There’s really no other reason to make this trip each year.
But there are three other benefits that I count as a bonus:
First it provides a brief but needed change of pace after the intensity of 9 weeks of summer camp.
Second, I always find perspective being disconnected and away from the normal events of life while spending time with my sons.
Finally, there’s no other setting where I sense the presence of Christ in my life more than when I’m in His creation, away from it all. It spiritually nourishes my soul in a way that no other place does.
So as I read the words I’ve just written I realize that as long as we can plan this trip over my birthday I’ll always look forward to growing a year older.
Inspiration from Our 14-year-old Son’s Game Film Evaluation
“Dad can you take a look at this? I watched our basketball game against McBain and evaluated how I did” said our son Jonathan as he handed me a yellow pad of paper covered with notes about how he played (see photo).As I looked closer it amazed and frankly impressed me that our 14-year-old son had taken the time to evaluate his performance with a level of detail and honesty I rarely see in most adults.
His evaluation included tallying how often he used each hand, charting his shots, keeping track of his “good passes” verses “bad passes”, his “hustle” compared to “lazy” plays and finally my favorite “good defense” verses “bad defense.”
In addition to the fact that Jonathan evaluated his entire game and not just his offensive output he also measured himself against a high performance standard. He’s clearly not satisfied with his play and wants to see where and how he can improve.
Since his game film evaluation Jonathan’s been at the gym every day, he’s watched a number of basketball videos and he’s even read a book about Pistol Pete Maravich. He’s committed to becoming better because he now sees where he can improve and has the vision and energy to do so.
As I’ve watched Jonathan over the last month I couldn’t help but reflect on the importance of regular and thorough self-evaluation in my work, family life, relationships and community involvement.
This reflection led to an evaluation of my own where I ask myself “what more could God do through me if I might only follow the example of my 14-year-old son who simply wants to be a better basketball player?”
“Mom, Four More Sleeps?”
“Mom, four more sleeps?” asked a Storybrook camper when being picked up by his mom after completing our Junior Explorer program. (Storybrook’s our early elementary overnight camp in Michigan)His mom answered “no, not four more sleeps.”
“Three more sleeps?” he asked.
“No, not three more sleeps” mom answered once again.
“Two more sleeps?” this persistent camper asked.
“No, not two more sleeps.”
“Mom, one more sleep?” he asked seeing hope slip away that he could extend his stay at SpringHill one more sleep (night).
“No, your stay at camp is over and it’s time to come home” was all the mom could say.
In one final plea this young camper said “but I want to stay, can’t I stay?”
And to that mom answered “I know you want to stay but I want and need you at home with me.”
Sometimes going away to camp’s harder for mom and dad than it’s for the camper. Why? Because we love our kids and so it’s hard to let them go, even for just a few nights. But in truth our kids grow (and we as parents sometimes grow) when we allow them the opportunity to experience new places, do new things and meet new people in a positive, encouraging environment such as camp. So occasionally love compels us to send our kids off even if it’s just for a few nights.
Now in this camper’s case I have a good sense that he’ll be back at SpringHill next summer and it’ll be for a few more “sleeps” than this year.
Thanks to Amanda Thompson and her Storybrook staff for creating such an outstanding experience for all these young campers and for blessing us with this story.
High School Graduation and the Importance of “What’s Next”
Denise, Christina and I at Christina's last Dance Arts Academy recital (click below right under "Links") On Friday June 3rd our daughter Christina graduates from high school. So this morning I drove her up to Northern Michigan Christian School for graduation practice.
Along the way we talked about how she and her classmates were feeling about graduation. Christina expressed, as she has for months, that she’s ready to graduate and move on and start the next phase of her life.
Yet she didn’t think this was true of all her friends. Some didn’t appear ready to move on. Then she said she thought many people she’s known over the years have graduated but never really “left high school.”
So I asked her “what’s the difference between you and these people?”
She didn’t know for sure so I followed up with “so why are you ready to move on?”
She replied “because I can’t wait to go to Butler and meet new people and take my dance career to the next level.”
“What about the people who’ve seemed to have never ‘left high school,’ what were they looking forward too?” I responded.
She answered “I don’t think they were looking forward to anything except maybe just being done with high school.”
“That’s right” I replied “they probably didn’t see their life moving to a more exciting or better place. They even may have come to believe that their best days are behind them.”
Then I shared with Christina that life is full of change, like graduation, and there’s no way to avoid it. So the best way to confront change, as she’s doing, is to have a vision of “what’s next”, a place to be moving toward.
So we when discover “what’s next” in our life and help others to do the same, be it those we lead or just love, change becomes not just an ending but also a bright new beginning with an exciting future.
“On Any Given Day”
“One game. If we played ’em ten times, they might win nine. But not this game. Not tonight. Tonight, we skate with them. Tonight, we stay with them. And we shut them down because we can! Tonight, WE are the greatest hockey team in the world.” Herb Brooks in the movie Miracle
This past weekend there were regional track meets across the state of Michigan and our third child, Mitch a freshman at Northern Michigan Christian, participated in his first running the 200m, 400m and the 800m relay.
He’s had a good season, one where he had some success but also learned a lot. Coming into regionals he knew he’d be battling against older, more experienced runners and he was also recovering from the flu he had earlier in the week.
So needless to say he wasn’t brimming with confidence as Saturday approached.
I told him two things in an effort to combat his dwindling confidence –
First, I told him that all he could do was to give it his best and if he did his mom and I would be proud of him no matter what place he received.
And second, I told him that state qualifying wasn’t determined by what happened during the season but what happened in the regional meet. The only day that mattered was Saturday. I wanted him to know that on any given day anything can happen.
Now I can’t report that the day ended for Mitch like it did 30 years ago for the 1980 USA Hockey Team. It wasn’t that “given day” but I can say that Mitch gave it his best and more importantly as we talked on the way home he shared his new-found vision of what his future regional meets could look like and what it’ll take to achieve that vision.
And as it turns out, that talk on the ride home was his best performance of the season.
Celebrating Mom
Mom on her day. Mother’s Day (and yes also Father’s Day) is the only card company holiday that I celebrate. Why? Because I have a great mom who’s also an incredible grandmother of our children and she deserves at least one day (actually she deserves many days) of honor each year.
I’m so thankful that I have such a mom knowing full well that many did not experience the love, support, nurturing and encouragement of a mother that I did growing up.
So as a result I feel an incredible sense of responsibility to take advantage of the head start my mom gave me in life by making a difference in our world and in Christ’s Kingdom.
Yet my mom’s influence hasn’t been limited to my growing up. She continues to play a huge role in my life and the life of Denise and our kids. She has been there in the darkest hours and the greatest celebrations. She’s been rock solid and rock steady throughout my life and the life of our family.
For this too I’m incredibly thankful. It’s a bonus that many aren’t blessed with and only adds to my desire to put her good and faithful mothering to work in my life.
So today my brother Rich and his wife Sandi, my sister Beth and I along with grandpa and most of my mom’s grandchildren came together to celebrate Mother’s Day. A celebration we’d have even if the card companies hadn’t christened it a national holiday because our mom’s worthy of a great annual party for all she’s done and continues to do and continues to be in our lives .
The Bittersweet Taste of Transition
Our oldest son, MD, just informed us that he’s been offered a very good summer job with his school Calvin College. This means he’ll not be home for the summer.
Which also now means, for all practical purposes, he’s left home and will only be back to visit.
Denise and I knew this would happen at some point when we dropped him off in September for his freshman year. We just didn’t think it would be so soon. We figured he would be back for one more summer, maybe two.
It’s a transition we wanted and knew would be coming. We’ve raised him, as we’re raising our other kids, to become an independent adult who will make a difference for Christ’s Kingdom in this world.
So we are proud that he’s been offered this opportunity for the summer. It’s sweet because it’s right in line with his goals and our dreams for him. But it’s also bitter because it means his life is no longer centered in our home in Evart.
This is what makes every transition bittersweet. Transition means leaving things behind, to move past what was – which can be bitter. But transition also offers the hope of growth and renewal – which is sweet.
The question Denise and I have to answer is “which of these two sides of transition do we embrace?”
Well you know the answer – we are going to celebrate MD’s summer job. We’re going to be thankful for all the good decisions MD has made, his hard work, his commitment to Christ and the opportunities these have provided for further growth in his life.
There is no denying that transition is bittersweet but it’s our choice which side of the flavor we embrace.
The Power of Asking for a Commitment
Of all the good parenting my parents did as I grew up, there was one simple yet brilliant thing my dad did that made significant impact on how I lived during a certain period of my life.
It was one Saturday morning the summer before I entered high school when my dad asked me to go for a ride with him as he ran some errands. This meant he had something to talk about.
The discussion was about the” life choices”, as he called them, I would face in high school. Choices about such things as drinking alcohol, taking drugs and having sex.
He wanted me to know that his and my mom’s expectation was that I would choose what was right; to live as they had raised me to live.
As we finished the discussion, he asked me if I understood what I was facing and what the right choices would be. I answered that I did.
He could have ended the conversation right there and it would have been a successful parent – teenage child discussion. But he took it one more step.
It was a simple, brilliant step.
He asked me to give him my word and make a commitment that I would choose and do the right things over the next few years. .
My response to his request? I gave him my word, and made a commitment to him and my mom.
So, as a result, the story of my high school life was that every time I faced a “life choice” my mind went back to that Saturday morning car ride and the commitment I made. And almost every time (well I wasn’t perfect), because of that moment of commitment to my mom & dad, I made the right choices.
Believe me there were many times I’d wished I hadn’t given him my word but because I did I felt compelled to live up to it.
This is the power of asking for both someone’s commitment and their word and why we should never shy away from doing so. It can be a life changing gift to others that they will never forget.
Small Town High School Basketball
“Let’s win this game for all the small schools that never had a chance to get here” Merle – from the movie Hoosiers.
Glen Lake, Brethren, Beal City, Lake City, and Burt Lake. These are just a few of small towns, with small schools where in small gyms I’ve watch my boys play high school basketball for Northern Michigan Christian School in McBain.
Both my wife and I graduated from Class A schools. These programs had professional coaches, trainers, future Division I and NBA players,1000’s of spectators, pep bands, cheerleaders and dance teams.
Big school basketball also includes things like tryouts (including “cuts”), single sport specialists, and year around training and contracted individualized coaching.
So our first introduction to small town basketball was a very different experience.
When I’m at a game someone will ask “how’s it going?” I always answer “Great. There is nowhere else I’d rather be on a winter Friday evening in Northern Michigan.”
This is an honest answer. I’ve grown to appreciate small school basketball.
Here are a few reasons why.
It’s a common occurrence for me to talk to a grandfather who played for the school team sitting next to his son who also played for the school and are watching their grandson/son play.
The coaches are parents or “sons” of the community who coach for the love of the game, school and players.
Our son Mitch plays on the JV team and represents the type of student who plays for these schools.
He’s on the soccer, track and Quiz Bowl teams and has one of the leads in the play. Yes he is a talented kid. But in a small school not only can students participate in most things; the school needs them to.
Mitch also knows most of the people in the stands and they know him. This creates a personal connection between the fans, the players, the coaches and the school.
So like in Hoosiers our car is part of the line of vehicles making the road trip each week to some small village where we cheer on our team to victory.
And yes, there is nothing else I’d rather be doing on a winter evening in Northern Michigan.
